


"Niall's Pregnant"

by Krank



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bromance, Drabble, Fluff, Humor, Implied Mpreg, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-31
Updated: 2013-10-31
Packaged: 2017-12-31 00:45:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1025341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krank/pseuds/Krank
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Harry and Niall discuss the ins and outs of theoretical male pregnancy through various uncomfortable conversations.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	"Niall's Pregnant"

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by the soul crushing Narry interviews for _This is Us_ in which they joke about Niall being with child to deflect Zerrie questions.

“What if you _were_ pregnant, though?”

Niall paused, a crisp halfway to his mouth. “What?”

Harry shifted himself sideways on the couch so that he was facing Niall, who was seated on the opposite end. “I don’t know… Have you never thought about it before?”

Niall frowned, looking down at his stomach. “I can’t say that I have.”

“I think it would be adorable.” Harry wiggled closer, crossing his legs in front of him.

“How would me being pregnant be _adorable_?” Niall scoffed. “I’d be fat and miserable.”

“Pregnant people aren’t miserable!” Harry argued. “And besides, you’d finally gain weight, since that’s such a big concern of yours.” Harry teased. He’d never let Niall forget the interview where he’d accidentally on purpose called Harry ‘fat’.

“Oh _ha-ha_ ,” Niall mocked, rolling his eyes.

“And not all people get _fat_ when they get pregnant, either. Not if you eat healthy and exercise.” Harry reached forward and placed a hand on Niall’s flat stomach. “You’d have this little bump at first, pushing against all of the inappropriate t-shirts you wear.”

“Harry, I eat like a horse _now_ , can you imagine my raging appetite if I were eating for two?” Niall joked, shoving another crisp in his mouth. “The same goes for exercise. I barely get off my arse as it is; I sure as hell wouldn’t if I had a heavy basketball protruding from my front. Let’s just agree that I would be an exceptionally large pregnant person.”

“Whatever. You’d probably get ridiculous cravings, too. My mum once told me that she found herself wanting some of the foods that she couldn’t stand.” Harry fingered the crucifix and Star of David around his neck. “I suppose we’ll have to track down some vegemite.”

Niall made a face, having a sudden horrible flashback to their time in Australia. His experience with the local delicacy had affected his adventures with food. ‘Niall will eat anything’ had morphed in to a ‘Niall might give it a shot if it looks and smells good’.

Harry continued to talk all about what the blond might look like pregnant, and Niall listened. He felt the warm weight of Harry’s hand still resting on his stomach and it felt nice. He liked to listen to Harry speak, even if it were about the most ridiculous of things, like a pregnant man. Sometimes the curly-haired boy put too much thought in to certain subjects. There was too much free space in his brain to be filled with nonsense, Niall thought, but the passion he expressed over certain things was infectious.

“Eventually you’d have to get those trousers with the elastic band in them.” Harry concluded, looking to Niall with pity.

“Fuck that, I’d just wear jogging pants all the time. Stretchy.” Niall looked pleased with himself. Thinking about it, nine months of wearing nothing but joggers sounded magnificent.

“But Niall!” Harry whined. “You couldn’t go to award shows, or do music videos in _track pants_.”

“Well I very much doubt I would be going out anywhere if I were pregnant, Harry.” Niall rose to his feet and wandered over to the table in his hotel room where he had a pile of snacks. He selected something new and returned to the sofa.

“You shouldn’t let it affect your life, Niall. Don’t make sacrifices because you’re carrying a child, you need to embrace it! It’s a _gift_.” Harry stared at him, almost looking offended.

Niall ripped open his Skittles packet and ate a mouthful. The room was silent as he chewed. When he finally swallowed them all, he turned to the brunette beside him. “I really think we’ve delved too deep in to this conversation, mate.”

Harry’s eyes widened and he shifted himself backwards a few inches, noticing how he had been encroaching on Niall’s personal space. “Right, sorry. You know how I get some times.”

They decided to watch some television, and Harry reached to hand Niall the remote so the blond could choose. As he sat back against the couch cushions, something else occurred to him.

“You know, I really don’t think you have the hips for it, anyways.”

———

They day of the New York premiere for their movie; the boys were all in a hotel suite getting ready with their stylists and Lou. Harry was seated as the platinum blond woman sculpted his hair up and off of his face, and Niall was perched beside him, working on inhaling a sandwich.

“You know, I feel like it would be better if you had a boy.”

“What?” Lou asked, ducking down closer to him. Harry shook his head.

“Sorry, I was talking to Niall.”

Niall frowned. “What do you mean by that?”

Harry furrowed his brows like he usually did when he was putting a lot of effort in to speaking. “Well, I feel like you’d know what to do if you had a boy. You’re such a lad all the time. You’d be pretty lost with a baby girl.”

Niall’s jaw dropped, showing off the bits of mushy bread in his mouth. “Well that was rude. I’m just fine with Lux!”

Lou listened in as the two boys had one of the strangest discussions she’d ever had the chance of hearing.

Harry shrugged. “I suppose you’re right. But distracting a little girl for a couple of minutes and _raising_ one are two entirely different things, right Lou?”

“Right!” The Wizard of Hair chimed in, still completely baffled.

“I think I would do just fine, thank you very much. Girls tend to have stronger relationships with their fathers, anyways. They clash with their mothers as they grow older.” Niall continued with his defense, which was quite elaborate given the small amount of time he had to prepare for it. “I can be sensible and delicate when I want to be. Though I’d probably do anything she asked of me. I’d be wrapped around her finger.”

Harry nodded. “Oh, most definitely. But wouldn’t you technically be her _mother_?”

“Last time I checked, which was a coupla minutes ago, I have a willy, Harry.” Niall replied sarcastically.

“Willy or not, if you give birth to a child, you’re it’s mother. You’d be the chick in your relationship.” Harry gave Niall a satisfied grin.

“Fuck you! I’m havin’ a girl, and I’m going to be the manliest man to give birth in the whole world!” Niall whooped, catching the attention of the rest of the room.

“What the bloody hell are you two talking about now?” Louis asked, looking to Lou for an explanation. The hair stylist just shrugged and continued to work her fingers through Harry’s hair, adding some small finger curls to his ends. The two boys were cast in to silence, Niall watching Harry’s hair take shape, and Harry closing his eyes to enjoy the most relaxing time of his day. He enjoyed having his hair played with.

“I think I’d like to have a little boy,” he said suddenly, breaking their silence.

Before Niall could process what Harry said and think it over, he said the first thing that came to mind:

“Well, I mean I suppose I could have one of each.”

———

Harry was sprawled out on a blanket on the front end of the yacht they had hired in Sydney Harbor. He had his shorts bunched up to minimize his tan lines as he enjoyed the last bit of sun he’d most likely get to soak up until the next tour. It was hard to sun bathe in London.

“What do you think about ‘Neila’?”

Harry rolled his head to the side, observing as Niall hopped up on to the deck beside him. He perched on Harry’s blanket.

“What?” Harry replied.

“You know, as a girl’s name.”

Harry smirked. “Oh. So you’ve actually started thinking about it?”

“Maybe… I get bored, you know.”

Harry pondered. “I think Neila is nice. What does it mean?”

Niall picked at the blanket underneath him. “Female champion.”

“But doesn’t _you’re_ name mean champion?” Harry slid his sunglasses off of his eyes and on to his forehead. He saw Niall’s face turn red, though not from the sun.

“It’s the girl version of ‘Niall’,” the blond mumbled.

Harry practically cackled. “Is it bad that I can _actually_ picture you doing something like that?”

Niall slapped his arm and they were cast in to silence. Niall shifted around and reclined on the blanket as well. Harry hoped he had applied a decent amount of sunscreen. He’d dealt with a sunburned Niall before and it was not pleasant. To make it worse, Louis was a sunburn slapper with multiple offenses on his record.

“I suppose it doesn’t matter much anyways what I would call the kid. One night when I was drunk Louis made me pinky promise that I’d name my first child after him.” Niall sighed, staring up at the cloudless sky through his Ray Bans.

“You did _what_?” Harry asked incredulously, propping himself up on one elbow.

“I got drunk?” Niall replied slowly.

“No, no! You said you’d name your first kid after _Louis_?” He elaborated on his question.

Niall shrugged. “It was a pinky promise, Harry. There isn’t much I can do about it.”

Harry groaned and flopped back down on to the blanket. “And what if the poor thing is a girl?”

“I suppose it would be _Louise_ , then, wouldn’t it?”

There was a pause between them as they both pondered the name. Then, all at once they burst in to laughter.

“Here’s to hoping it’s a boy.”

———

Niall and Harry were watching a movie on the bus. The rest of the boys were on the quiet bus, but the duo had decided to be night owls. They’d regret it in the morning, no doubt.

“You know, apparently you get really emotional when you’re pregnant. Hormones and all that.” Harry mentioned, peeling his banana. Niall always hated the way he ate bananas, because he opened them up from the less likely end, sort of like a monkey.

“I doubt that. You know me, I’m pretty chill.” Niall shoved a handful of popcorn in to his mouth.

“Eh, I don’t think that matters. Even the simplest things would make you cry, you have no control. You’d be a blubbering mess if we watched girly movies.”

Niall frowned. “I don’t like you questioning my masculinity.”

“I’m not questioning anything!” Harry put his hands up, mouth full of banana. “I’m just saying that you would be horrendously emotional, and that the boys probably wouldn’t take your shit. You’d have to stay on another bus.”

Niall instinctively looked down at his stomach. “You think everyone would ditch me?”

Harry scooted over the space between them on the couch. He patted Niall’s non-existent stomach affectionately. “Don’t worry. I’d still be here.”

———

Niall was watching Harry run on the treadmill they had set up as part of their portable gym they took with them on the road. It was cardio day for Harry, and a rest day for Niall. Niall enjoyed rest days. His mind was never at rest, though.

“Have you ever thought about how I would give birth to this thing?”

Harry almost lost his footing and wobbled violently, grabbing the handrails quickly. He regained his momentum, though he was laughing hysterically. “I can’t say that I have, Ni.”

Niall was sprawled on a couch, once again staring at his stomach in question. It scared him how much he was acting like Harry with all the useless thinking he was doing. The interviews had been weeks ago, and yet he just couldn’t let the pregnant topic go. There were too many unexplored details.

“I reckon I’d have to get her cut out.”

Harry made a face. “Niall, that’s gross. And _‘her’_?”

Niall nodded. “Yeah. I figured I’d have a girl.”

They were cast in to temporary silence. It was Harry who broke first.

“Labor is a bitch, though.”

Niall snorted. “So I’ve heard. There’s drugs for that, though, right?”

Harry shrugged. “There are, but they just sort of freeze you, I think. Plus, you have zero tolerance for pain.”

“Hey!” Niall snapped. “I can handle pain.”

“An elephant sitting on your pelvis is an entirely different sort of pain than a gimpy knee, mate.” Harry attempted to keep his breathing controlled and even. Niall knew he shouldn’t be holding a conversation with him, but these were important matters. “You would be so annoying during labor.”

“I take offense to that. It isn’t my fault.” Niall pouted.

“It would be a cute sort of annoying, though,” Harry reasoned, looking up at the ceiling as if he were imagining it. “You’d be fussy, and you’d probably try to eat your feelings. You’d waddle around the hospital-“

“I would _not_ waddle!” Niall argued, sitting up on the couch.

Harry gave him a satisfied grin. “Oh, you so would. With a small watermelon sitting on your bladder and your skinny legs, you would be the epitome of a waddler. It would be precious.”

“I think I’m done with this conversation,” Niall climbed up off of the couch. “You’re being mean.”

“A little hormonal, are we?” Harry teased, slowing the machine down to a leisurely jog.

Niall flipped him off, heading towards the door. He was hungry.

“You know, after the first kid, they say that it’s really easy the second time!” Harry called.

Niall spun around just as he reached the door. “Fuck that! After all I’ve gone through, _you_ can have the next one!” He stalked off down the hall to the sound of his band mate’s cackling laughter.


End file.
